You’re humming that song now, aren’t you? You know, the 1990 Grammy award-winning tune by Salt N Pepa that actually struck up some controversy for being so open with the topic of sex for such a mainstream song? So tame by comparison to what gets radio airplay these days, I think those who protested back in 1990 must be absolutely dumbfounded by what’s on the radio in 2015! Bottom line though is that sex sells, and let’s face it, we’re not always rated G around here so let’s get right down to it.
Sex. It’s one of those words that has multiple meanings. As a noun, it is associated with gender, the male and the female division of a species. As a verb, well, I think we all know about the verb. This week, we’ve got a dirty mind! We’re talking to people about sex! What they like and what they don’t! What’s good to go, and what’s a definite no! We’ll have a poll up (no pun intended) and of course, we’ll keep the conversation going all week on Facebook if you want to tell us your sexy secrets or just share your opinion.
As you can imagine, much of what we bring you this week may be anonymous. If ever you wish to comment or post on our blog or Facebook, WordPress offers you the option to post comments as a “guest”. And if you send us a private message requesting anonymity, we’re always happy to post on your behalf.
Today we’re talking to someone who (despite wishing to remain basically anonymous after our interview), has no qualms about talking openly about the subject at hand.
We’re talking about sex this week. One of the things I want to explore is the topic of sexual partners. Do you know off the top of your head how many sexual partners you’ve had in your life?
“I do know. I’ve had sex with 100 different people.”
Could you tell us how old you are and how old you were when you had sex for the first time?
“Sure. I am 39 now and lost my virginity at 17.”
So, doing some quick math in my head, that averages out to 10 a year or so?
“Yeah, I mean it hasn’t actually played out that way, but if you’re talking averages, then yeah.”
It’s funny because when you said you had 100 different partners, it sounded like a huge number to me, but when you break it down to yearly, an even further monthly, you could say it’s a little more than 1 a month, it doesn’t sound nearly as dramatic.
“Not really. Plus it’s not like I’m 25. You’re talking about the total of my entire 20+ year sexual history.”
Right. And, not that it is relevant but I will mention that you are a woman.
“No it shouldn’t matter. But I bet a lot of people reading who may have been thinking of a guy, and thinking oh, a hundred in 23 years, that’s not so bad, are now thinking wow, what a skank (laughter).”
Do you think that a hundred partners for a guy is different from for a girl?
“In people’s heads, yes. With society’s weird hang ups, yes. In reality, no.”
So, have you ever been married or in any long-term committed relationships?
“Yes. I was married for 2 1/2 years but it didn’t really work out and I was in a 4 year relationship right before that.”
Were those monogamous relationships?
“The 4 year relationship was monogamous. The marriage not so much.”
So, that’s essentially 4 years that you can eliminate from counting those 100 partners.
“I guess so, yes.”
After you lost your virginity at 17, was there a time gap before you started having more sexual partners or did you immediately embark on this journey of 100 partners?
“Well yes, there was some down time so to speak. I mean I lost it at 17, was dating that guy for like 8 months, so it was just him. Then the following year (my senior year) I had one boyfriend the whole year. Then when I went to college and began exploring a bit more, things went a little crazy. In the beginning of my sophomore year, my roommate and I created the sophomore sixteen. You know, a play on the whole freshman 15 thing where they say you gain weight when you go away to school. Only this was a contest to see which one of us could sleep with 16 guys by the end of the semester. But it couldn’t be any random loser guy we picked up off the street. There was a certain criteria that had to be met.”
So what was the criteria, and what were the stakes of this bet?
“Well it wasn’t a true bet since theoretically we could both win, but if one of didn’t get the 16 in time, they had to do the other one’s homework in the class of their choice for the entire following semester or something crazy like that.”
And the criteria, what “standard” did these guys have to meet?
“I mean, they had to be halfway decent looking, semi-intelligent, basically just someone who you normally want to sleep with and not just going out an grabbing random guys that you’d never ordinarily have sex with just to get your 16.”
So how did it go?
“We both go to 16. No one won, no one lost. It was very anti-climatic, no pun intended.”
And so did you keep going with this, or did you create a new bet, or did you decide to keep your numbers up on your own?
“No. I mean I didn’t set out to have a certain number of partners each year or semester or month or whatever. I just partied a lot in college and slept with a lot of guys. I’m not really ashamed of it. Maybe I should be, but I’m not. A guy wouldn’t be ashamed of it. If I went out with someone and I liked them and the night flowed right, I’d sleep with them. I didn’t think of it as a big deal at all.”
And after college?
“Same. If I wasn’t with anyone, I was just dating around, ya know? Same rules applied. I guess I just like sex. I like men. I like sleeping with them. I don’t think it’s a big deal at all.”
So is it a coincidence that the number is 100 or did I just get lucky on my interview timing?
“No, it’s purposeful. I’ve kept lists of guys I’ve slept with for years. When I saw the number was getting up into the high 80’s, I said, I bet I could get to 100 partners before my 40th birthday. Some people want to go away for their 40th, some people get themselves a special gift, my friend got Botox for her 40th, I wanted to reach 100 men on my sexual partner list.”
So, now what?
“Nothing. I mean, it’s a nice round number. I’m a little more selective now, but not ruling out anything.”
So, I know we’re not using any names here, so it’s more challenging, but what can you tell us about the best sex you’ve ever had?
“Oh easy. It’s a tie. No way to say which was better, as they were equally mind-blowing. A guy I dated a few times right before i graduated from college. Young, hot, rock hard abs. He was just really sexy and always ready to go and we’d just have sex wherever the library, the common dorm bathrooms… And a guy I met the night of my 35th birthday. We met at a bar, hung out all night. Wound up getting together the next day and going to the movies of all things. We had sex like five times that day and I never saw him again. Somewhere out there is a very lucky woman”
So, what happened with guy number one?
“Oh after graduation, I think he move back to wherever he was from. He was hot, but dumb as a rock. He had to be on an athletic scholarship or his parents donated a wing or something. There was no way he was college material otherwise.”
So, not to be a downer, but, before we conclude, I have to ask you about protection?
“Not when I lost my virginity and probably not with my first 2 or 3 partners because I was a dumb teenager. Always after that. Always. I may be a slut but I’m not an idiot.